he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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