Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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