I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My penis needs a shock collar
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize
