Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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