His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
