I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
