mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
