Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
