Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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