my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My balls are so social today.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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