his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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