Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
