I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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