grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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