If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
