Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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