Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
