well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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