When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
