I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
