Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
