First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
