and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
