I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
