K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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