she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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