i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
