remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
