Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
