i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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