who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
