I am midnight drunk by noon
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
