There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I need water and some morals
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
