Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The best revenge is premature balding
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
