I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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