i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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