In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
