ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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