The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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