im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
