I got her a Nickelback box set.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
