remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
