Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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