Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
