To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
