i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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