Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i think i scared a bird with my dick
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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