so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
