i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
