i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
