Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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