But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
